Rolling Stones, August 7, 2003.
PIRATES OF THE CARIBBEAN
Yo-ho for Johnny Depp, but this theme-park ride of a movie reminds us why pirate flicks blow.
** (two stars)
It could have been worse, but that´s no excuse. Pirate Of The Caribbean: The Curse Of The Black
Pearl is a $ 125 million Jerry Bruckheimer epic that drags on for an unconscionable 143 minutes and buries its treasure -
mainly Johnny Depp in eye shadow and dreads as Captain Jack Sparrow - in briny clichés.
The pirate jinx is legendary: fond memories of Captain Blood, Treasure Island and The Crimson Pirate
wiped out by the scurvy Cutthroat Island, Pirates and Hook. Thoing don´t bode well for a PG-13 Disney movie that began as
a theme-park ride.
Depp´s woozy gay blade (based, he says, on Keith Richards) helps a blacksmith (Orlando Bloom, stuck
in hero mode) rescue his lady (Keira Knightley) from the evil Barbossa (Geoffrey Rush) and winds up fighting CGI pirate skeletons,
a scary touch that suits director Gore Verbinski (The Ring) There is a splash of humor from Shrek writers Ted Elliot and Terry
Rossio, but this script need buckets. Compensation includes Knightley (Bend It Like Beckham) who lives up to her rep as the
sexiest tomboy beanpole on the planet. Rush bites merrily into the pirate patois - he can drag out the word agreeeeed for
several syllables. And Depp swans through this swashbuckler with a scene-stealing gusto unseen since Marlon Brando in Mutiny
on the Bounty. Depp is comic dynamite, but this plodding, repetitive bore should walk the plank for timidly refusing
to light his fuse.
